Don't Mess with Children
a) Go to Hell
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though
it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.
The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'
The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.
b) White Hairs
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly
noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?'
Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy,
one of my hairs turns white.'
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said,
'Mommy, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'
c) There's the Teacher
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each
to buy a copy of the group picture.
'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say,
'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'
d) Head is Empty
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer,
she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it,
and I would turn red in the face.'
'Yes,' the class said.
'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood
doesn't run into my feet?'
A little fellow shouted, 'Cause your feet ain't empty.'
e) God is Watching
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.At the head
of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
'Take only ONE. God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of
chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Illusion of Octavio Ocampo... <click here> MS Power Point Required ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THE WEDDING TEST
I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been Dating for over a year,
and so we decided to get married.
There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less.
She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a
It had to be deliberate because she never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day her "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations.
She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and
desires for me that she couldn't overcome.
She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, I'm going upstairs to my bedroom,
and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment,
then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door.
I opened the door and headed straight towards my car.
Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside all clapping! With tears in his eyes,
my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test.
We couldn't ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family!"
And the moral of this story is:
"Always keep your condoms in your car"
TEST FOR DEMENTIA﹝癡呆症﹞
take your time, answer all of them immediately. Let's find out just how clever
you really are.
First Question： 第一題
You are participating in a race.. You overtake the second place person. What position are you in?
Answer： If you answered that you are first, then you are wrong!
overtake the second place person, and you take their place, you are second!
To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question.
Second Question ： 第二題
If you are in a race, and you overtake the last person, then you are?
Answer ： If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again.
how can you overtake the LAST person?! You're not having a good time at this!
Very tricky maths! Note: This must be done in your head only.
use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.
Third Question： 第三題
Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000.
20. Now add another 1000. now add 10. What is the total?
以 1000加上40，再加1000，再加30 ，再加1000，現在加上20，再加一次1000，現在加上10，總數是什麼？
Answer ： Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100. Don't believe it? Check with your calculator!
Today is definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last question right?
Fourth Question： 第四題
Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?
Mary 的父親有5 個女兒，第 1 個女兒 Nana ， 第 2 個女兒 Nene ， 第 3個女兒 Nini ，第 4 個女兒 Nono ，第 5 個女兒的名字是什麼？
Answer ： Nunu? NO! Of course not. Her name is Mary. Read the question again!
解答： 答案是 Nunu 嗎？不！絕對不是，她的名字是Mary，請再讀一次問題！
the bonus round. You can partially redeem yourself with this one
Bonus Question 加分題 :
There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing
one's teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.
there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he
Answer ： He just has to open his mouth and ask. He's blind, not mute - so simple.
KEEP THIS GOING TO FRUSTRATE THE 'SMART PEOPLE' IN YOUR LIFE
One Singh was enjoying the sun at the beach in America.
A lady came and asked him, " Are you relaxing?" Singh answered, "No, I am Banta Singh."
Another guy came and asked the him the same question.
Singh answered, "No No Me Banta Singh!" Third one came and asked him the same question again.
Singh was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place.
While walking he saw another Singh soaking in the sun. He went up to him and asked, "Are you Relax Singh?"
The other Singh was a lot more educated and answered, "Yes, I am relaxing."
The Singh slapped him on his face and said, "Stupid, idiot. Everyone is looking for you and your are just sitting over here!"
A Singh died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance as a prospective heavenly soul, he must answer two questions:
i) Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
ii) How many seconds are in a year?
The Singh thought for a few minutes and answered...
i) The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
ii) There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow answer,
even though it's not the answer I expected. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?"
The Singh replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc..."
Saint Peter let him in without another word.
Jasmeet Kaur caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all around his living room.
Jasmeet: "What are you searching for?"
Santa: "Hidden cameras!"
Jasmeet: "And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?"
Santa: "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing.
Why every minutes he keeps saying 'You are watching the Star World Channel'.
How does he know that?"
Having lost his donkey a Singh, got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for ?"
The Singh replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would be missing too."
Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. He then removes his turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit.
The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.
"Oye, I am only following the instructions yaar," he says, " it says here, 'Answer the following questions in brief'.
Two Singhs were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying like hell.
So the other asked, "Why are you crying?"
The first one said, "I came here for blood test"
Second one asked, "So? Are you afraid ? "
First one replied, " No, not that. During the blood test they cut my finger".
Hearing this the second one started crying.
The first one was astonished and asked other, "Why are you crying?"
The other replied, "I have come for my urine test."
Custody of Children, who should retain custody ? A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court. But the custody of their children posed a problem. The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them. The man also wanted custody of his children. The judge asked for his side of the story too. After a long moment of silence, the man rose chair and replied: "Judge, when I put a dollar into a vending machine, and a Pepsi comes out, does the Pepsi belong to me or to the machine?" ..................../´¯/)
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